The American Dream is Not God’s Best for Us

I’m afraid that my idea of what I want God’s plans for my life to look like bear too much of a resemblance to the American Dream: a nice home, a good job, a happy family.

So much of the time, when I talk to God, I’m asking Him to take away some problem or burden in my life (or someone else’s). When I ask him to bless, I imagine health, financial security, and other comforts.

But these are not the best blessings.

Somewhere along the way, God’s Word has been getting mixed up with bits of the prosperity gospel and a touch of those “follow your heart” Disney anthems. I’m tempted to think: God wants to give me the desires of my heart! If I’m a “good Christian” and I have enough faith, the things I pray for will happen!

That is not the Gospel.

Yes, God answers some prayers with physical healing or with financial provision. Sometimes He even gives us more than we need. But even (especially?) when our prayers aren’t answered the way we hoped or expected, God is blessing us because he knows what we need more than we do.

No matter the circumstance, what we always need is more of Him.

When a friend disappoints...

When the pregnancy test comes up negative again...

When the bank account is empty...

When the response to that job application begins “We regret to inform you…”

When the news from the doctor isn’t good...

When we fight through trials of all kinds, God is teaching us to trust Him more, and to be satisfied not by our circumstances, but by Himself. I think that for most people it is the hard times that strengthen our faith the most, not times of plenty. In fact, we’re commanded to rejoice through hardships, because of the good fruit it produces in our lives:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5

God is looking out for more than our immediate happiness. He is planning for our future in eternity, blessing us in ways that will grow our character and make us look more like Christ. His desire is for us to know and be known by Him.

As we pray, instead of asking Him to make difficulties in our lives easier, we can ask Him to reveal how our our current circumstances can draw us nearer to Him. That is where God’s best for us is found.

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Respond

How have you felt God drawing you closer to himself through trials? What ways have you found to help you rejoice in hardships?

Pretending to be Perfect is Hard Work

In the hour before guests come to my house, you will often find me rushing throughout my house, making last-minute preparations to assure that no one will see that we actually live...the way we live.

At our house, the counters and kitchen table are often cluttered with unsorted mail and half-empty (or half-full?) cups. Sweaters are draped over chairs and shoes lie abandoned in the living room. When guests are on the way, I frantically toss coats and shoes in the hall closet instead of taking them upstairs to put them away. I move stacks of papers to the bedroom instead of sorting through them and keeping only what we need. I genuinely work up a little bit of a sweat dashing around trying to make the house “presentable” for other people.

It’s hard work pretending to have it all together.

Although I work really hard to hide it, I know my own failures all too well. I put more work into making people think I’m organized and responsible than...actually getting things organized and being responsible.

Online, it’s easy to hide behind a barrage of cheerful Facebook posts and a slew of Instagram filters and pretend like life is great, like I am great. Still, on the inside, I know that my thoughts can be ugly and my actions are often self-serving. I am acutely aware of my shortcomings, but pride and shame compel me to put more effort into maintaining an admirable image of myself for other people and less into humbling myself and growing in Christlikeness.

Pride and shame might seem like contradictory emotions. Pride gives you and good self-image, and shame gives you a bad one, right? I actually find that they fuel one another. I am too proud to reveal the things that I am ashamed of. My pride leads to fear. Just as I’m afraid that other people would be disgusted to see our house a mess, I also fear that they would be repulsed if they saw the messiness of my heart as well. Worldly wisdom tells me to hide my flaws to protect myself: but God’s Word says something different:

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Proverbs 28:13

When pride tempts us to hide our failures, we are called to confess and forsake our sinful choices so that we are free to receive God's gift of mercy. How many of us really practice this? I'm embarrassed to confess something as frivolous as an untidy house, and now I have to own up to actual sin as well? It seems like a tall order, but it comes with the promise of healing:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. 
James 5:16

On our own, it's easy to be trapped in the lie that we will never truly be healed of our sins. And while it's true that, this side of eternity, we will continue to struggle with temptation, we can trust in God's mercy, and our faith will be credited to us as righteousness (Romans 4:5). We need other Christians speaking Truth into our lives, encouraging us in the faith, and admonishing us to growing in Christlikeness. That cannot happen when we hide the reality of our sins. We are not called to live in fear and shame, but to seek the Lord and have freedom:

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
Psalm 34:4-5

What an amazing promise! We can become unwavering women, free of fear, when we seek the Lord and look to Him. We will defeat pride and shame by being fearlessly humble, intentionally valuing our righteousness over our reputation. 

I'm definitely going to keep cleaning my house before people come over. It's kind of necessary. Still, I hope that, over time, my motivation will be to create a hospitable environment for my guests, not just to hide what I'm embarrassed about. I also know that it would be unwise to bare my soul to everyone, but my prayer is that God will continue to bring fellow believers into my life who will encourage me to grow in humility and be free from fear. I pray that you will seek and find that in your life as well!

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Respond

Do you ever feel trapped by pride and shame? How have you experienced healing in this area?

Caring for Christians Struggling with Depression

This article was originally featured on the Gresham Bible Church blog in October 2014.

Following the tragic suicide of Robin Williams back in August, the usually taboo topics of depression and suicide suddenly became fodder for the best and worst of Internet commentary. Many contemplated the answer to a question that haunts all whose lives are touched by depression and suicide: “How did this happen?”

Some considered Williams a victim of the disease of depression: a tragic casualty in the battle against mental illness. 

Others, including one infamous Christian blogger, ultimately attributed the comedian’s demise to a bad decision. Many commenters even went so far as to suggest that depression (and ultimately, suicide) is just a symptom of unconfessed sin, an ailing spiritual life, and a lack of faith. 

For a few of us, the “how” wasn’t even a question. We didn’t need to wonder, because we already knew. We know what it’s like to feel so hopeless that the thought of living has lost its appeal. Although the graceless speculations of a vocal minority may indicate otherwise, Christians are not immune to the bog of depression, and being depressed doesn’t make you a “bad” Christian.

Christians who grapple with depression are in good company with some big names from the Bible, including Job, Elijah, Jonah, Solomon, and David. Every one of these men grappled with hopelessness, and a few even to the point of suicidal thoughts:

Now, LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.
Jonah 4:3

Contemporary examples of Christian leaders fighting against depression abound as well, such as: Mother Teresa, Charles Spurgeon, C.S. Lewis, and John Piper, among others. 

Piper in particular has written on the subject of depression many times. In his book When the Darkness Will Not Lift, he establishes that depression may develop due to a variety of considerations, including: “sin,… Satanic assault,… distressing circumstances, or … hereditary or other physical causes.”  Sin is just one of several factors that may cause or worsen depression.

Although a guilty conscience struggling under the weight of unconfessed sin may become trapped under the weight of depression, sin is not the absolute cause of all depression, and depression itself is not necessarily sin. As Piper says in his book Future Grace, “The first shock waves of the bomb are not sin. The real danger is yielding to them. Giving in. Putting up no spiritual fight. And the root of that surrender is unbelief — a failure to fight for faith in future grace. A failure to cherish all that God promises to be for us in Jesus.” While depression itself is not sin, it does leave us woefully vulnerable to it. 

For the Christian, depression is a systematic attack by Satan that exploits the believer’s weaknesses and takes their focus off Christ and puts it onto a warped interpretation of their circumstances. During my own battles with depression, I have struggled to decipher truth from fiction. My mind has been filled with hateful thoughts that I could not fend off: You’re a failure. No one wants to be around you. You’re a disappointment to everyone. No one cares what happens to you. Why do you even bother anymore? 

Thoughts like these are straight from the pit of Hell. They are Satan’s attacks. God’s Word warns us to be wary of his deceitfulness:

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8

He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
John 8:44

When we know that a fellow Christian is becoming overwhelmed by Satan’s lies, it’s not our job to speculate about why that person has succumbed. Instead, it is our job to take a stand with our struggling brothers and sisters in Christ and help fend off the lion; we must help protect God’s family from all attacks.

So, what are the weapons that we have to fight this battle?

Fellowship: Depression festers in isolation. People who are depressed will naturally withdraw from those around them because of shame or fear. If you know or suspect that someone you care about is depressed, reach out to them and be near to them. Whether that means offering a sympathetic ear, or merely sitting in silence, God can use your presence to provide comfort in a trying time.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Prayer: A depressed Christian may feel so discouraged that they aren’t able to pray for themselves. They may feel that God doesn’t want to hear from them, or that their prayers won’t make a difference. Your prayers can help guard them when they are unable to ask for protection for themselves. Pray for this person independently and with them when you spend time together. For many people, just knowing that someone cares enough to pray with them and for them will be a strong encouragement. 

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
James 5:16

Truth: As it was in my case, depressed individuals may have a difficult time distinguishing truths from Satan’s lies. Take every opportunity you can to encourage them with God’s Word. Shower them with God’s promises, even if they are unable to fully appreciate them at the time. Be lovingly persistent, and continue to be faithful in prayer.

Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.
John 17:17

By responding to depressed believers with fellowship, prayer, and God’s Word, we can help them to embrace the freedom that has been granted to them in Christ: 

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2

In the future, should you encounter a fellow believer bogged down by depression, I hope that your first question won’t be, “How did this happen?” Instead, ask this: 

“How do I help?’

Related Reading:

“4 Myths Christians Need to Stop Believing About Depression” By Debra K Fileta of Relevant Magazine
“Robin Williams’ Death an Opportunity to Look at Depression in the Scriptures” by Matt Lawrenz of Bible Gateway

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Respond

Have you or someone you care about ever suffered from depression? What was helpful and encouraging in that time?