Freedom from Perfectionism

I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I love planners, to-do lists, and all types of organizing. I feel best when there is a place for everything, and everything is put in its place. I was the little girl who set an itinerary of fun activities for her own birthday party (which I planned out months in advance) and would become nearly despondent if the festivities got off-schedule.

As much as I enjoyed school when I was younger, I have a feeling that academics sometimes brought out the worst of my perfectionistic tendencies. After struggling academically through elementary school and most of middle school, I eventually found my “sweet spot” and began to excel. Sadly, I also began to equate my success in school with my worth as a person.

Now, as a grown woman, I still fight the temptation to define myself by my performance. I do it in my faith and in my roles as a wife, a teacher, a writer, and soon-to-be mother. I want everything I do to be perfect, or, at the very least, to appear that way whenever possible. If I stumble or fail in any of these areas, I feel worthless and unlovable. In my head, I know better, but a part of my heart still believes that other people, and even God, will abandon me if I fail. I push myself to excel and rush to hide my mistakes as the twin sins of pride and shame duke it out for top place in my heart.

Maybe you’ve felt that way before too.

If you have, then you know that that kind of dogged perfectionism only leads to burnout and disappointment, and you’re probably about as sick of it as I am.

So, how do we let go?

We must fight the lies of perfectionism with three vital truths from God’s Word: all believers are saved by faith, perfected in Christ, and perfectly loved,

Saved by Faith

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:8-10

While it’s true that God’s standard of holiness is perfection (Matthew 5:48), He has lovingly granted it to sinners through grace, knowing we could never attain it by our own effort. Jesus’ perfect righteousness is a gift freely given to us through faith alone. While we are still called to live in obedience to God through our good works, doing all things as unto Christ (Colossians 3:23), our salvation is already secure in Him.

Perfected in Christ

For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.
Hebrews 10:14

Although we are still being shaped to be like Christ (sanctified), and will still struggle with sin in this lifetime, perfect righteousness is ours forever. Jesus’ death and resurrection has completely satisfied the debt of our sins, forever. We are beloved, blameless sons and daughters of God, and our status before the Father can never change.

Perfectly Loved

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
1 John 4:18-19

God’s love is secure and strong beyond anything we have ever experienced in our earthly relationships. The love God has for us is unchanging, so we have no reason to fear when we sin. When we approach God with a humble, repentant heart, He will not cast us away, but faithfully and justly forgive our sins and make us clean (1 John 1:9). We are perfectly loved by our just and gracious Father.

This time of year, school is starting and activities are ramping up again. For me, the "fresh start" of the new school year presents an awful temptation to fall into more perfectionism. I set high standards for myself to make my home, classroom, and relationships better than they were last year, and as close to perfect as possible.

Your circumstances are probably different than mine, but you may be in the same boat. The temptation of perfectionism is threatening to rob you of the joy you have in Christ. If you're struggling with that now, join me in this prayer:

Precious Father, I am humbled by your love and mercy. I am so full of pride and shame when I give in to perfectionism. I want other people to think well of me, and I want to hide all of my flaws. I allow anxiety and fear to take control, forgetting your goodness. Thank you for sending your Son to redeem me from my sin so that I can live as your beloved daughter. Open my eyes to the places where perfectionism is lurking in my heart. Give me a desire to work hard and serve you with obedience, not because I'm afraid of punishment, or to make myself look good for other people, but because I love you. Amen.