The Blessing of Never Being Enough

Note: This was originally a guest post for an organization called The Verity Fellowship, which is no longer active.

“You are not enough.” Not exactly a catchy slogan, is it? You probably won’t see that in fancy lettering on a cute, rustic sign anytime soon. In fact, there’s been a recent swell supporting the opposite message. It’s common to hear women affirm one another by saying, “It’s okay. You are enough.” It’s a mantra intended to lift us up when we feel unfit to meet the demands of our lives or live up to our obligations. But, do we really believe it? Maybe it’s just me, but I can think of plenty of times when my best effort hasn’t been enough to meet life’s demands. In fact, my best efforts fall short on a daily basis. Instead of comforting ourselves with a lie, we need to grasp the truth: only God is enough for everyone at all times. Our insufficiency is perfectly provided for because of God’s self-sufficiency.

God’s Self-sufficiency

God is self-sufficient in every sense of the word. He does not rely on any other being or substance for his existence or satisfaction at any time. All knowledge and wisdom come from him (Isaiah 40:12-14). God lacks nothing. He is complete in himself. If he ever needed anything, he would be incomplete and imperfect. In other words, he would not be God. This leads us to a logical conclusion: God doesn’t need you--or me--in any way or for any reason. We will never be enough, but God is enough in himself.

He is enough, so we don’t have to be.

Our Insufficiency

We depend on God, our Creator, for every aspect of our existence. Without him we would not have air to breathe, food to eat, or ground to stand on. He is not impressed by us. Our power is weakness to him. Our wisdom is total foolishness. Our virtue is filth. Even believers may desire to live righteous lives, yet fall back into sin so easily (Romans 7:15). We fall into self-reliant habits without realizing it, until, suddenly, we smack face-first into the walls of our limits and realize that we are not enough. God’s standard is perfection, and we simply can’t live up to it. I know for sure that I can’t. God has been reminding me of that over the last few months to strip me of my delusions of self-sufficiency.

Recently, I’ve been struggling with chronic pain caused by endometriosis and migraines. It’s made me feel weak and ineffective. It’s also made me acutely aware of how much I need to grow in the area of controlling my words and actions when I’m under stress. I don’t have the most gracious attitude toward my family when my body is hurting. Parenting a mischievous toddler is also teaching me a lot about my inability to protect him from harm the way I want to. My best efforts at babyproofing and keeping a close eye on him are no match for his desire to explore. The second I turn my back on him he’s investigating the outlet protectors or scaling the dining room table. I can’t always keep him safe, and he’s had the bumps and bruises to prove it.

I am not enough to truly meet my own needs, much less all the needs of my son, my husband, or other people I care about. Partly, it’s because I still struggle with sin. But, it’s also because I wasn’t created to be “enough” for myself or anyone else. And neither were you. You and I are limited because we were created for dependence on God, the only one who is truly self-sufficient. He provides for my lack, for our lack, with abundance. He relieves us of the burden of trying to meet needs only he can fulfill. He satisfies them all. We must lean into his perfect provision, which finds its culmination in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Christ’s All-sufficiency

In Jesus, God took on our human neediness to meet our greatest need. His perfect life and guiltless death paid the penalty that our sin demanded. We receive his blamelessness, the Holy Spirit, and the hope of new life. When we profess our faith in his death and resurrection, we are proclaiming his all-sufficiency for our salvation. As the Holy Spirit is at work in us, our sinful desires and delusions about our self-sufficiency are stripped away. We are emptied out to be filled with righteousness that only Jesus’ blood could provide.

Knowing that Jesus abundantly provides for our insufficiency, how do we respond? So, One how do we respond to the knowledge that God is infinitely self-sufficient and we are not? One way we can respond is by embracing our limitations.

Embracing Our Limitations

Our limitations are a blessing because they remind us of our need for God. Are you struggling with your own inadequacy? Thank God for the reminder to rely on him. Are you in a comfortable season where you’ve fallen into a pattern of self-reliance? Consider how God has already provided for you and thank him for it. Do you find yourself in a season where you’re trying to meet needs in others that only God can satisfy? Ask God for wisdom to point them to him as their perfect provision.

“You are enough” is a bankrupt gospel. It does not have the power to save. It is not the message we need to hear to release us from our slavery to sin and give us new life. Only the actual Gospel can do that. Remember: you are not enough, but God is enough. Christ is enough. We can embrace our limitations because God is able to perfectly sustain us out of the abundance of his self-sufficiency.

The Fruit of Waiting

Note: This was originally a guest post for an organization called The Verity Fellowship, which is no longer active.

For me, becoming a mother was both the most beautiful and painful thing that has ever happened to me.

No, I don’t have a birth story to share with you. At least, not the kind you’re thinking of. I became a mother through adoption after being unable to conceive. Instead of carrying our son in my womb for forty weeks, I bore the burden of barrenness in my heart for more than four years. The waiting seemed endless, and, at times, I felt forgotten by the Lord. But, God was at work--in my heart and in my circumstances--as I waited. Looking back, I know that I would endure the heartbreak all over again because my son was worth the wait. The wait was also worthwhile because of the godly fruit that God produced in me: humility, gratitude, and joy.

Humility

Early on in my journey to motherhood, God had to teach me a lot about humility. When my husband and I decided that we were ready to start trying for a baby, I jumped into planning. I spent hours researching everything related to conception and pregnancy. I was ready for it to happen as soon as possible! But the months dragged on and the strip never turned pink. I became obsessed with trying every supplement and strategy for conception that the internet had to offer. I put my trust in research and my hope in the plan that I had made for how my life was “supposed” to turn out. I struggled with bitterness and anger toward God because he wasn’t answering my prayers the way I wanted him to.

After close to a year and a half of trying, we were referred to a fertility specialist. There were lots of tests and procedures, but the monthly rollercoaster of hope and crushing disappointment took its toll. Finally, we got to the point where we knew that becoming parents was more important to us than becoming pregnant. We felt God leading us to discontinue treatment and move forward with domestic adoption. I released control and accepted that adoption was where God was leading our family. I had to humbly trust that God’s plans for our family were infinitely better than mine.

Gratitude

Waiting also taught me to approach God with gratitude instead of entitlement. As we struggled over those four long years, I was often tempted to doubt God’s goodness toward me and to focus only on my unfulfilled longings. I had taken my good and godly desire for motherhood and turned it into an idol that I treasured more than Christ. At my worst moments, when all of our friends were getting pregnant and our nursery was still empty, I felt as though God’s goodness was for other people and not for me. Over the two years that we worked through the adoption process, twelve moms decided that, no, we weren’t the right parents to adopt her child. I wondered how God’s goodness fit with my breaking heart. But, God was working in me. He opened my eyes to the ways that he was already providing for my needs while we waited for him to bring a child into our family. My husband, and our family, friends, and church were all blessings I had been taking for granted. Even simple things, like a nice meal or a sunny spring day, were reminders of God’s constant goodness to me.

Most of all, I began to realize that God’s Word overflows with evidence of his goodness to me and to all believers. The story of his justice, mercy, and compassion toward his people--to me--spills out on every page and reaches its culmination in Jesus. Through Christ, God has showered me with mercy. Because of his goodness, not mine, he poured out his wrath on his beloved Son so that he could pour out abundant love on me. I had no grounds on which to feel slighted when God did not answer my prayers for a child in the way I expected. He has already given me more than I could have ever earned on my own merit.

Joy

As I was brought low in humble gratitude before the Lord, I was overwhelmed with a sense of inexplicable joy. My long path to motherhood had emptied me of my pride and sense of entitlement. In its place there was a delight in the Lord that I had never experienced before. The Word came alive with a beauty and depth that I had never seen in it before. I still ached to be a mother. Pregnancy announcements from friends still sometimes felt like a sucker punch in the gut. Yet, the joy ( http://www.verityfellowship.org/blogarchive/2018/1/13/count-it-all-joy ) I had found in the Lord was secure, even when my circumstances seemed uncertain.

The Waiting is Over

One Sunday in August 2016, we got the call that we had been chosen by an expecting mom to adopt her unborn son. Exactly three months later, our little boy was born. God had finally answered our prayers. Or, at least, it may seem that way. Really, in his mysterious, all-knowing, all-powerful way, God had been answering our prayers all along.

Every negative pregnancy test, every “no” from a mom viewing our profile, was a part of God’s loving provision. They led us to the birth mom who chose us and the son we have now welcomed into our family. Every “no” leading up to this final “yes” led me on a powerful path of sanctification in humility, gratitude, and joy. God has given me so much more than a child to call my own; he has given me more of himself.

God heard my prayers for a child. He knew my pain and never forgot about me. That is how my husband and I settled on our son’s name: Zachariah, meaning “God has remembered.” His name is a reminder that even when things don’t go how we plan, God never forgets us. Zachariah is a sweet reminder of God’s constant faithfulness.

If you are waiting on God, trust in his faithfulness. Whatever good thing you are longing for, God has not forgotten you. He will be faithful to produce fruit in your life and draw you to Himself through your waiting.

A Hard Morning, A Hard Heart

I had a hard start to my day. My son, Zachariah, who is almost always happy and silly, was bursting into tears at every turn this morning. Was it because he was tired after waking up earlier than usual? Hungry? Sick? Unhappy that I wouldn’t let him stand on the dog? Frustrated that I wanted him to drink from his own cup instead of backwashing into mine?

It’s unclear.

What is clear is that he was facing some emotion or need that he could only express in tears. He doesn’t have enough words to tell me what he’s feeling and what he needs from me, so, he cried. He’s come so far in his short life, it’s easy for me to forget that it was a little less than 17 months ago that he was a newborn in the NICU, unable to breathe or eat without assistance. At that time, and for many months thereafter, his only means of expressing his needs was to cry. Now, as a toddler, he can play, walk, and feed himself. He even knows a few words which help him to communicate a little. However, he is forced to fall back on crying when he needs something but can't tell me what it is.

I wish that I could say that I consistently responded to his tears with loving compassion. Instead, my frustration grew as the morning went on. I was beginning to respond with harsh impatience. Finally, we sat down to lunch and I began to wonder why Zachariah had been so sad this morning. I had a simple, yet profound realization: Zachariah was not crying to annoy me; he was crying because he needed my help. He was having a hard day and wasn’t enjoying it any more than I was. He needed me to help him work through it. He was asking me for a good thing and I was responding with irritation.

That realization broke my heart.

Now, I’ve never intended for this site to be a “mommy blog.” I’m not telling you this story to give you a parenting insight. I know that all the tips and tricks in the world for being a “better mom” can never get to the root of this type of parenting problem. Behavior modification is not what I need. I need heart transformation. When I have a resentful attitude toward my son as he struggles, it’s because sin is present and has hardened my heart toward him. It’s the same in any situation where I react with annoyance or exasperation toward others. Sin is overflowing from my heart.

"For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:43-45

When my words and actions spill over with frustration, it’s because I’ve allowed the diseased tree of anger to take root in my heart. I need to repent and ask God to dig it out and replace it with the tree of life that is rooted in Jesus. Then, my life will produce the good fruit of the righteousness granted to me through Christ. The Holy Spirit will work in my heart so that my words and actions will overflow with joy in the Lord instead of bitter selfishness.

As a child of God, I know that I can approach my Father with the assurance that he will hear and answer my prayer for sanctification. His heart toward his beloved children is never hard the way mine was toward my son this morning. When we come to him, asking for good things, he delights to hear us and give us what we ask (Luke 11:9-13). And when, like toddlers, our words fail us and we are unable to express what we need in prayer, the Holy Spirit within us conveys it for us. God is a good, soft-hearted father who hears us with joy, knows what we need, and delights to provide for us.