3 Things to Remember When You Feel Like a Failure

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you can’t do anything right? 

It always seems to happen when you’re completely overwhelmed by all that you need to accomplish in one day. The laundry pile is taller than you are. The dishes are overflowing from the sink. Little bits of goodness-knows-what stick to your feet as you walk across your unswept, unmopped kitchen floor. Every bit of table and counter space is covered with random objects that need to be put away.  You really want to knuckle down and clean the house from top to bottom, but there are errands to run and you still need to make dinner at some point.

As you’re bustling around your home trying to get things done, one wrong move on your part sends full kettle of water off the counter and onto the floor

Water is everywhere. You find yourself cursing at an inanimate object. Still, you sop up the mess and try to move on with your day.

Not ten minutes later, it happens again. 

That exact same kettle falls to the floor. There’s water everywhere, and something just snaps inside of you. You can’t do anything right. You’re a failure.

Well, that’s how I felt, anyway, when this exact scenario played out in my home last week.

I beat myself down for failing to meet my own, unrealistic standards of what a responsible, organized woman should be able to manage. As usual, I believed that every other woman I know has her life together, and I will never measure up. 

Thankfully, over the last few days, God has used some lovely friends to remind me that all women feel like this in different ways in all seasons of life. Often, we believe that we have failed as women, wives, or mothers. We think that we will never get things right in our homes, careers, or ministries. 

At this point, you might be expecting some encouragement along the lines of “Don’t be so hard on yourself! You don’t have to be perfect!”, but that’s not quite what I’m after today.

While I think reasonable expectations are absolutely necessary, limiting our focus to that kind of practical advice may cause us to miss out on how God can use our feelings of failure to make us more like Christ. 

When we feel like we can’t do anything right, our hope doesn’t lie in embracing the chaos or in being trapped by unhealthy perfectionism. When we fail, we’re presented with an opportunity to humbly find our place before God, who is rich in mercy and brings glory to Himself through our weakness.

Our Failures Humble Us

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

Pride is a dangerous temptation that we struggle with on good days and bad. It’s easy for pride to creep into our hearts when life is running smoothly. In those moments, we’re quick to forget our need for God. We arrogantly accept credit for success without acknowledging God’s faithful provision. 

On the bad days, when our lives are disorganized and our homes are a disaster, we can be more wrapped up in worry that others will see our failures than we are concerned about conquering the actual mess. We’d rather hide the clean laundry behind a closed bedroom door than actually fold it and put it away. We want our friends and family to think we’re better than we actually are.

Whatever the state of our homes on a given day, the main problem is the state of our hearts. When we measure our value based on how others will perceive the way we look, speak, behave, and manage our homes, we have given pride a foothold in our souls. We need God to bless us with humble wisdom. We must remember that we are flawed, imperfect beings who have nothing to offer to our infinite, perfect God. We are wise when we humbly acknowledge that reality and don’t allow pride to puff us up. 

God is Merciful to the Weak

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7

No matter how excellently we work at our jobs, serve in our ministries, raise our children, or manage our homes, we will never do it well enough to impress God. We will always fail in some way, and need His strength to get through each day. What a humbling reality.

Still, we have reason to celebrate! Although we are weak and helpless, God does not leave us in that sorry state. In His mercy, He perfectly covers over our many mistakes with the blood of His Son and allows us to enter into a relationship with Him.

We were sick and wretched, trapped in our sin, yet He mercifully redeemed us. He tended to us in our weakness, cleansing and renewing us by His blood and through the gift of the Holy Spirit. Even though we fail time and time again, we have the hope of eternity because of His mercy. 

God Uses Our Weakness to Showcase His Glory

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Our failures remind us that it is foolish to attempt to live a God-honoring life in our own strength. We can’t do it on our own, and, thankfully, we don’t have to! The power Christ offers us can’t fully rest upon us until we come to the end of ourselves. God’s glory can only be perfectly displayed through our lives when we humbly acknowledge our weakness and surrender control to Him.

When we surrender our wills to God, the Holy Spirit equips us with power beyond ourselves to live and serve to His glory. We are granted endless love and joy, unfailing peace and patience, boundless kindness and goodness, and perfect faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. All these things are given to us beyond what we could ever muster up on our own. 

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The next time you feel like a failure, take a moment to check your heart. Are you falling into a trap of pride? Ask God to give you wise humility. Thank Him for His mercy to you in your imperfection, and ask Him to replace your weakness with His strength. 

Here’s a simple prayer to get you started:

Gracious Father, today, I feel like a failure. Everything I do seems to be going wrong. I feel like I don’t measure up. God, help me not to give in to foolish pride. Give me wisdom to humbly acknowledge my shortcomings instead of pretending to be better than I really am. Remind me of your gracious mercy to me in my weakness and move my heart to praise you. Use my weakness to remind me of my need for you. Give me a desire to surrender my will to you for your glory. Amen.

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Respond

How do you embrace humility and stamp out pride, both on good days and "epic fail" days? How have you seen God use your weakness to showcase His glory?

3 Ways Repentance Can Lead You to Joy

There’s a lot of baggage surrounding the idea of repentance.

I don’t know about you, but the first thing that enters my mind when I hear the word “repent” is people standing on street corners carrying signs and shouting into megaphones: “Repent, sinners!”

Probably not the most effective way to spread the Gospel.

I think these sorts of tactics are part of why many people have a negative association with the idea of repentance. It seems too harsh and unloving to tell anyone, believer or unbeliever, that they must repent of their sin.

What an impoverished misconception! Repentance is essential to the Gospel: the most beautiful and loving message of all.

But, that message doesn’t make sense or seem loving without acknowledging sin. Why would anyone need Christ to save them from their sins if they don’t actually believe they’re sinners? If they think they’re already a “pretty good” person without Him? If they’ve already been saved, and think that means they can just do as they please?

True repentance begins with brokenness:

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
Psalm 51:3-4

To repent, you must be grieved by your sin to the point that you accept the blame for your choices and are willing to make any change necessary to be rid of it. Any pleasure that your sin formerly brought you is replaced with repulsion.

Repentance is not at all easy or pleasant, at least not to begin with, but it leads to deep and lasting joy. It will lead you to joy because of God’s abundant mercy, because you have the security of your forgiveness, and because you have freedom from enslavement to sin.

Joy in Mercy

Repentance gives us joy because of God’s mercy. To understand the depths of that mercy, we must first understand our sin, and its consequences in our lives.

Sin is rebellion against God. Anything less than perfect obedience to God is a sin: “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

(I don’t know about you, but I’m really starting to sweat here...)

God’s Word clearly articulates that our rebellion against God has a divisive and deadly impact.

Sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:1-2), because God’s perfect holiness cannot be contaminated, or it wouldn’t be perfectly holy anymore.  It’s also deadly. Paul’s letter to believers in Rome doesn’t mince words on this point. He says, "the wages of sin is death” (Romans 8:23, emphasis mine). When we disobey God, that sin must be paid for, and the price is death. Without Christ, that means that we not only physically die, but spiritually die by being separated from God for eternity. Yikes.

Amazingly, instead of allowing us to suffer the proper consequences for our rebellion, God interceded to absorb our punishment Himself:  “the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:23).

In his justice and mercy, God sent his Son to absorb His righteous wrath for us so that we could exchange condemnation for holiness: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

His mercy to us is incomparable. A repentant believer can be filled with joy knowing the lengths to which God has gone to save them from sin.

Joy in the Security of Your Forgiveness

Repentance also gives us joy because we have confidence that God will forgive us: “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf gives us confidence to approach God for forgiveness. Because of the cross, we can be sure that we will receive mercy and grace from God when we approach him with humble repentance. He will not turn us away.

For me, this is the hardest part of repentance: believing that God completely forgives me the instant I repent. His forgiveness does not hinge on my ability to make amends for my sin.

Here on Earth, a genuine, humble confession will more often be met with anger or hard-heartedness than with immediate forgiveness and restoration of relationship. We’re simply not used to people forgiving us right away without them becoming angry. Even in a deep relationship, we expect that trust and love will require time to heal.

Not so with God.

God will not reject us when we humbly repent. His forgiveness is perfect and complete the moment we confess. The sacrifice of Jesus has already paid the price, and there is nothing more we could or would need to do to restore our relationship with Him. We are already loved and forgiven:  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Joy in Freedom

When we have repented and been forgiven we are not only set free from guilt, but also from slavery to our sin.

Before Christ, we were enslaved to sin because our selfish desires held us captive. Once justified before God through Christ, we are set free from our slavery to sin and take on Christ’s righteousness as our own (Romans 6:17-18, 2 Corinthians 5:21). We receive the Holy Spirit, who enables us to obey God joyfully, just as Christ does.

Although God delights in our obedience (1 Samuel 15:22), we must remember that it does not elevate us in His eyes: we are always His children.. Obedience is what we owed God anyway, so we will not be more our less his children based on our righteous deeds. Our standing before God is secure, once and forever.

For the believer, obedience is freedom. It is an act of worship and love (John 14:!5). It is the path of life, giving us fullness of joy in God’s presence, and pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. 
Psalm 16:11

Repentance is difficult but life-giving. It is an essential part of our initial justification before God and of our life-long sanctification. Growing in Christlikeness is an ongoing process; perfection in this life cannot be attained, so consistent repentance is crucial. As we become more like Him, we will continually come before God with our sins and find joy in God’s mercy, forgiveness, and freedom.

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Resource

Gavin Ortlund for Desiring God: “Four Steps Toward Joy in Repentance.”

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Respond

When you feel broken in your sin, how does repentance return you to joy? What scriptures remind you of the joy you have in God's mercy, steadfast forgiveness, and freedom when you repent?

How Can Christians Love Their Neighbors in Tragedy?

I had a different topic in mind for today’s post, but recent events have compelled me to put that on the back burner until later this week. Although it is not my intention to regularly comment on current events, I will not ignore a tragedy that is so profoundly impacting this country as a whole, and many of my friends in particular.

It cannot be denied that the relationship between the LGBTQ community and the Church is, sadly, characterized by mutual hurt. Upon much reflection, I can’t help but be reminded of the Biblical conflict between the Jews and the Samaritans. Jesus used their conflict as the backdrop for his teachings on how Christians are to love others; it’s a lesson I believe we need to remember in light of this tragedy.

During the time of Jesus’ Earthly ministry, the conflict between the Jews and the Samaritans was already hundreds of years old. These two groups were bitterly divided over politics, culture, and religion, and many of them despised one another. This situation is sadly familiar to us.

One day, when Jesus was teaching, a Jewish lawyer began to question him about God’s law. He rightly understood that the way to eternal life was to love God above all, and to love one’s neighbors. He wanted clarification from Jesus on exactly who counted as his “neighbor” (Luke 10:25-29). He hoped that Jesus answer would affirm what he was already doing, "justify" him, so that he could be assured of eternal life while limiting which people he actually was supposed to be loving toward. Jesus responded with a parable that most will find familiar: the Good Samaritan.

Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.” Luke 10:30-37
 

In spite of the bitter conflict between their two cultures, the Samaritan man was a “neighbor” to the Jewish man: he was moved with compassion and stepped in when others would not. His actions went beyond triage, as he faithfully provided for the victim’s care until healing was complete.

When the Samaritan saw the Jewish man lying in the road, he did not look to it as an opportunity for the two of them to discuss why conflict existed between them. He simply had compassion and helped. Likewise, now is not the time to divide up blame or discuss the whys and wherefores of conflict between the Church and the gay community. Instead, now is the time for Christians to prayerfully seek opportunities to reach out to a hurting community, For Christians, the Samaritan man should be our example: compassion and mercy should be the defining characteristic of the love we show to all of our neighbors. Our disagreements over politics, culture, and religion must take a back seat to Jesus’ clear command for us to “go, and do likewise,” We must love those who are hurting, and, right now, the LGBTQ community is hurting.

So how should we love these particular neighbors in this particular crisis? There is plenty of information available already that can do a better job than I can of telling you how you can donate funds and material resources to the survivors of the attack and their families. I’ll let the major news networks help you with that. Instead, I want to focus on two simple things that you can do to help wherever you are: pray and reach out to affected friends and neighbors.

Pray

In response to the attack in Orlando, consider praying these things:

• For victims and their families: that they would find comfort and hope in their grief.

• For the LGBTQ community: that they would receive compassion and kindness from others, and not live in fear because of hate. 

• For the Muslim community: that peace-loving Muslims would be protected from hateful violence at the hands of people who would blame them for the senseless actions of a radical and unstable man, particularly as they continue to celebrate Ramadan.

• For yourself: that you would have wisdom to speak and act in ways that show the love of Christ to a hurting world.

Reach Out to Affected Friends and Neighbors

If you, like me, live on the other side of the country from Orlando, you may feel like there isn’t much you can do to help the victims of this attack beyond sending money to charitable organizations that are mobilizing to assist in the healing process. I won’t diminish the importance of financial generosity here: donate if you are able! Still, the impact of this event reaches far beyond Florida: there are many people in our local communities who are afraid and in pain because of that act of terror. It is our duty to help care for them.

Make it a point to extend compassion to friends and neighbors who are mourning or fearful because of the attack. Whether you simply send them a note or small gift or invite them out for coffee or a meal, find a way to express to them that you are thinking of and praying for them. Listen as much as possible. Encourage wherever appropriate. Pray without ceasing.

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Respond

How do you feel led to respond to this tragedy? How are you praying for and reaching out to those who have been impacted by the attack?