#5: Fearful Thoughts
I have to take care of myself, because I can’t trust anyone else.
My hardest trials and biggest mistakes have all centered around a fear that I can't really trust God to take care of me.
“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.” I feel the tug every day: the temptation to do my own thing and take charge of my life.
In recent months and years, the unceasing sting of infertility and the ups and downs of the adoption process have made this obvious to me. In a particularly poignant way, my painful journey to motherhood has forced me to confront the fact that doubting God’s goodness is the sin I struggle with the most. I thanklessly forget past blessings and mistrust God’s provision for the future.
It’s taken me months to write this because I’ve felt so inadequate to address something that I fight against every day. I’ve been empty, but God has been faithfully refilling me through His Word. One verse in particular has revived me again and again:
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
This simple admonition is a great comfort and encouragement in my fight against fear.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
As I still my body and quiet my thoughts, my weary heart can find rest in the reality of who God is. I come before Him in humility, and my soul is strengthened by the truth of His many mercies, beginning with Christ on the cross.
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2:4-9
When I read, “Be still and know that I am God,” I see a beautiful picture of fearing the Lord. As I remember the bitter depths which God has saved me from, I can only be humbled by His loving mercy and comforted by his promise of abundant provision for my needs.
“The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.” Proverbs 19:23
When I have the fear of the Lord, there is no room for fear of anything else.
How do you remind yourself of God's past mercies? Which Scriptures are a comfort to you when you feel yourself doubting God's goodness?